Carrying Love, Carrying Loss: The Caregiver’s Journey

by: Rev. Dr. Tammy Isaac

Caregiving is one of the purest expressions of love and one of the most demanding journeys a person can take. It is a role many step into willingly, out of deep compassion and calling. Others arrive there by circumstance: the only child, the most stable one, the sibling with the financial means, the oldest in the family, or simply the one living closest to a loved one in need. No matter how it begins, caregiving changes you. It shapes your days, your relationships, your priorities, and it carries a kind of grief that often starts long before goodbye.

The Unseen Weight of Caregiving

Caregiving is physically exhausting. Research shows that caregivers, especially those providing 20 or more hours of care each week, face higher risks for chronic health conditions, sleep loss, and emotional distress. But the weight is not only physical. It is emotional and spiritual. Many caregivers experience what is known as anticipatory grief, mourning the gradual changes in a loved one’s abilities, memory, or health while still showing up to meet their daily needs. In cases of ambiguous loss, the person is physically present but profoundly changed, leaving the caregiver to grieve both who they were and who they have become.

Imagine the caregiver rising before dawn, already weary, preparing medication, balancing meals, and silencing their own physical aches, while their heart carries anticipatory grief for what is fading slowly but surely. Nights are restless, their body weakened not just by time, but by silent sacrifice. Emotionally, they navigate unpredictable mood swings from the person they are caring for and their own bursts of compassion fatigue. Burnout flares without warning, leaving them fragile and raw.

When Faith is Both Anchor and Question

For some, faith is the steady hand that keeps them going, reframing caregiving as an act of service, a sacred offering of love. Scripture like Colossians 3:23 becomes a quiet anthem on hard days: “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord.” But caregiving can also challenge faith. Witnessing decline, living under constant pressure, and feeling the weight of responsibility can stir questions: Why is this happening? Where is God in this? These questions do not make you less faithful. They make you human. If you are not a person of faith, the need for an anchor is just as strong. Whether it is meditation, mindfulness, community, nature, art, or your personal values, you need something steady to hold onto when the waves hit.

The Risks and the Rewards

The risks are real: burnout, isolation, declining health, strained relationships. But so are the rewards: the satisfaction of showing up in someone’s most vulnerable moments, the deepened bond that grows through shared struggle, the perspective that reorders what truly matters in life. Caregiving is rarely either/or. It is both/and. Both exhausting and beautiful. Both isolating and deeply connective. Both burden and blessing.

The Lifelines: Respite and Community

One of the most powerful truths caregivers must embrace is this: rest is not selfish. It is survival. Planned, intentional respite allows you to recharge so you can continue to care well. Without it, burnout does not just knock; it moves in. Community is equally vital. Whether it is family, friends, a faith community, a support group, or a network of fellow caregivers, you need people who understand, those who can step in, listen, or simply sit with you in the quiet.

Your Grief Matters Too

In the rush to meet another’s needs, it is easy to forget your own. But the grief you carry matters. Your needs matter. And you are worthy of the same compassion, patience, and love you pour out daily.

If you are in the thick of caregiving right now, take this as permission to breathe. To rest. To ask for help. To remember that you are not alone in this journey and that even in the quiet, unseen moments, your love is making a difference.

Listen to the full episode: Caregiver Grief: Loving Through Loss Before Goodbye on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.