Living with Pain, Grieving in Pain

How Chronic Illness Carries a Silent, Sacred Grief

by: Dr. Tammy Isaac

Grief is most often linked to death—the finality of loss, the moment someone is no longer physically here. But there is another kind of grief that lives deep within us. It’s quieter, ongoing, and often invisible. It’s the grief of living with chronic pain—when healing doesn’t come, and the body becomes a battleground.

This is a grief that doesn’t get casseroles or sympathy cards. It gets silence. Disbelief. Dismissal. It’s the grief that comes not because something ended—but because something keeps going.

Chronic pain isn’t just a medical condition—it’s a life-altering reality. It brings with it:

• A loss of mobility

• A loss of freedom

• A loss of energy and spontaneity

• A loss of identity

Each morning, pain wakes you up. Each night, it goes to bed with you. You try treatments, diets, medications, therapies. You pray. You believe. You hope.

But the pain stays.

This is rolling grief—grief that revisits you with every flare-up, every canceled plan, every moment you realize, “This is still here.”

Science confirms what your heart already knows: chronic pain and emotional grief are deeply connected.

Research shows that chronic pain and grief share the same neurological pathways in the brain, specifically the anterior cingulate cortex and insula—the regions that process both physical and emotional suffering. That’s why chronic pain feels like a total body experience, not just a physical one.

Studies from the NIH and CDC show that people living with chronic pain are significantly more likely to experience:

• Depression

• Anxiety

• Emotional withdrawal

• Ambiguous or disenfranchised grief (grief not acknowledged or supported by society)

Your pain is real. Your grief is real. Your experience is valid.

One of the most visible advocates for chronic pain awareness is Lady Gaga. In her Netflix documentary Gaga: Five Foot Two, she pulls back the curtain on her struggle with fibromyalgia. She cries on camera. She cancels performances. She names the frustration of trying everything—and still not feeling better.

In her 2020 Vision Tour interview with Oprah, she went even deeper. She talked about trauma. About being misunderstood. About the isolation of pain that doesn’t look like pain from the outside. And she said something that has stayed with me:

“Chronic pain is a part of my life now. And I had to learn how to carry it with compassion.”

This is the heart of the grief-pain journey: learning to carry what doesn’t go away.

Living with chronic pain can shake your beliefs. You may wonder:

• Where is God?

• Why hasn’t He healed me?

• Am I doing something wrong?

But let me remind you: even Jesus wept. Even Job questioned .Faith is not the absence of doubt. It is the courage to stay in relationship with God—even in the wilderness of unanswered prayers. Chronic pain doesn’t disqualify you from God’s love. Your honesty, your anger, your sadness—they are welcome at the altar.

Pain isolates. But it doesn’t have to imprison.

Here are five gentle ways to invite connection and spiritual support into your chronic pain journey:

1. Let someone in. Text a trusted friend: “Today was hard. I just needed someone to know.”

2. Name your grief. Say out loud: “I miss who I used to be.” There is healing in naming.

3. Reimagine faith. You don’t have to pray perfect prayers. Whisper “God, be near.” That is sacred.

4. Ask for presence, not answers. Let others know: “I just need you to sit with me.”

5. Claim your belonging. You are still needed. Still called. Still valuable—even when you can't do what you used to.

If you live in a body that hurts and keeps hurting, this is for you: You are not weak. You are not dramatic. You are grieving something real. And your grief deserves space, language, and compassion.

You still belong. You still matter. You still carry sacred breath within you.

So let yourself grieve. And when you're ready—Let yourself breathe.

Did this blog resonate with you? Leave a comment below. Share it with someone who needs to know their pain is seen and their grief is honored.

🎧 Listen to the full episode on the Permission to Breathe Podcast, available on Spotify, Apple, and everywhere you stream.

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