More Than Baby Blues: Grief in the Postpartum Journey

by Rev. Dr. Tammy Isaac

When we talk about motherhood, the focus is often on joy. On tiny fingers and toes. On late-night feedings and first smiles. But there’s another side that rarely gets named, a quiet, aching sorrow that enters the room after birth. It’s called postpartum grief, and it’s more common than most realize.

You can love your baby and still grieve deeply. You can be grateful and still feel lost. You can be a mother and still mourn who you were before.

Naming the Grief No One Talks About

Postpartum grief isn’t always tied to tragedy. It doesn’t require the loss of life to be valid. Sometimes, it’s the slow, invisible loss of self that hurts the most.

Mothers grieve:

• Their former identity

• Their independence and freedom

• Their routines and bodies

• The expectations they carried about birth, bonding, and the postpartum experience

• Relationships that have shifted or strained under the weight of new responsibility

• Dreams of what motherhood would feel like that haven’t materialized

For some, grief is intensified by trauma, whether from a difficult birth, a NICU stay, or the heartbreak of miscarriage or stillbirth.

Postpartum Grief vs. Postpartum Depression

Though they can overlap, postpartum grief and postpartum depression are not the same. Grief is a natural, emotional response to loss or change. It comes in waves. It’s tender. It can coexist with moments of joy. Postpartum depression, on the other hand, is a clinical condition that requires professional support. It lingers, disrupts functioning, and often includes hopelessness, numbness, or even thoughts of self-harm. Knowing the difference matters and so does getting support for either one.

The Weight of Expectations

Part of what makes postpartum grief so heavy is the pressure to be happy. Mothers are told to soak in every moment, to feel only gratitude, to smile for the photos. But what if you don’t feel joy right away? What if you feel disconnected, overwhelmed, or undone? You are not broken. You are human. And you are allowed to grieve, even in a season others expect to be beautiful.

Coping Strategies That Make Space to Heal

Healing begins when we name the grief. When we create space to breathe. When we let go of perfection and welcome truth.

Here are a few ways to support yourself or someone you love:

• Allow the grief to surface without judgment

• Talk to a therapist, counselor, or trusted spiritual care provider

• Tend to your physical body with gentle nourishment and rest

• Journal honestly about the changes you’re experiencing

• Create rituals for what was lost, even if others don’t understand

• Breathe deeply when the overwhelm feels too big

• Ask for help without guilt

You Are Not Alone

If you’re a mother navigating postpartum grief, know this:

• You are not failing

• You are not alone

• And you do not have to hold this silently

This grief does not make you any less of a mother. In fact, it speaks to the depth of your heart the love, the loss, the transformation. You are walking through something holy, even if it hurts. Let this blog, and the podcast episode that inspired it, be a gentle reminder:

• You are allowed to grieve

• You are allowed to ask for help

• And you are allowed to breathe

Listen to the full episode After the Baby Comes: Holding Space for Postpartum Grief now streaming on Spotify and Apple Podcasts.