When Grief Feels Lonely

by: Rev. Dr. Tammy Isaac, MDiv, DMin, CAGCS, BCCC

Grief doesn’t just change how we feel—it changes how we relate to the world around us. It alters our friendships, shifts family dynamics, and reshapes our sense of belonging. One of the hardest and most unexpected parts of grief is the loneliness that follows. Even when we are surrounded by people, loss can create a deep sense of disconnection, making it feel as though we no longer fit into the spaces we once belonged.

If you’ve ever felt this way, you’re not alone. Many people experience loneliness in grief, but few talk about it. After a loss, relationships often change in ways we don’t anticipate. In the beginning, support may pour in, but over time, the calls slow down, the check-ins become less frequent, and the world around us seems to move forward while we’re still standing still. Conversations that once felt easy can now feel forced, as if people don’t quite know how to engage with us anymore. Some friendships deepen, while others fade—not because people don’t care, but because grief makes interactions feel different.

Loneliness in grief doesn’t just come from the absence of the person we lost—it comes from the shift in all of our relationships. We may feel disconnected from our community, our faith, or even ourselves. Many grieving people withdraw, not because they want to be alone, but because isolation feels easier than trying to explain their pain. The fear of being a burden can keep us from reaching out, and the pressure to "move on" can make it feel like there’s no space to truly process what we’re feeling.

Dr. Vivek Murthy, the U.S. Surgeon General, describes three dimensions of human connection that are essential for our well-being: intimate, relational, and collective. Intimate connection refers to deep, personal relationships with someone who truly understands and supports us. Relational connection involves friendships and social circles that provide a sense of belonging. Collective connection is our broader sense of community, whether through faith, cultural groups, or shared purpose. When grief disrupts any of these dimensions, loneliness settles in, making it even harder to heal.

Rebuilding connection after loss isn’t about forcing ourselves into social situations before we’re ready. It’s about taking small, intentional steps toward relationships that feel safe. One of the first steps is recognizing that isolation may feel comforting, but it is not healing. True healing happens in connection—with ourselves, with others, and with the world around us. This doesn’t mean pretending to be "okay." It means allowing ourselves to be seen in our grief, trusting that there are people who can hold space for us.

For some, reconnection starts with a single text or phone call. For others, it means finding a "grief-safe" space, whether that’s a support group, a faith community, or a trusted friend. Creating new rituals can also help—honoring the person we lost while also allowing room for new experiences. And most importantly, we must give ourselves grace. Some days will feel lonelier than others, but grief does not mean we are meant to be alone forever.

If loneliness has become your companion, I want to remind you: you are still worthy of love, support, and connection. Loss may change our relationships, but it doesn’t have to take them away. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting—it means finding a way to carry love and loss at the same time.

I invite you to listen to this week’s episode of Permission to Breathe, where I dive deeper into the connection between grief and loneliness, how loss changes our relationships, and what it looks like to take small steps toward healing.

🎧 Listen now on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

💬 Have you experienced loneliness in grief? What has helped you reconnect? Let’s talk in the comments.